


i didn't think i'd make it, but now you're here

by InfiniteWoonique



Series: Bun in the Oven [18]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Child Huang Ren Jun, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Dong Si Cheng | WinWin, Minor Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Mutual Pining, Pregnant Osaki Shotaro, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29533830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteWoonique/pseuds/InfiniteWoonique
Summary: Shotaro has arrived in Korea and he's working his hardest to achieve one of his biggest dreams. It's a lot of work but he's determined to fight until the end. That is, until he finds himself pregnant and in the process of becoming a mother. That hadn't been the plan at all and now he has to adjust while dealing with the struggle of finding the time and communicating efficiently in a language he wasn't too skilled in using.And Sungchan... how will he tell Sungchan? It seems impossible, and he doesn't think he can do it... so he doesn't.Featuring: a very kind hearted Yuta and eventually Sicheng, and a tiny little bit of a tiny Renjun
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Sungchan/Osaki Shotaro
Series: Bun in the Oven [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1159835
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	i didn't think i'd make it, but now you're here

**Author's Note:**

> i think it's noteworthy that I mention I have no idea how the health care system works in Korea. I'm basing this off the US health care system mostly because that's what I know and we all know it's a giant joke
> 
> Read the tags please
> 
> This is one of my most favorite stories that I have written and I hope you think so as well. I started it soon after Resonance Part 1 came out and fell more in love with the boys as the months passed. They're adorable together

Shotaro once again woke up in the morning feeling sick to his stomach. With a sigh, he rolled over and sat up so he could bury his face in the palms of his hands, massaging his cheeks with his thumbs. He'd felt like this every morning for the past month and it was getting old very fast. He couldn't remember a time where he woke up and didn't feel like curling up into a ball, hiding under the blankets, and forgoing responsibilities. It sounded very tempting to do, especially today considering this was the worst he'd ever felt before, but he couldn't afford to commit to that. He had to go to work so he could afford life, and that was his sad reality. 

Shotaro had to brush it off for now and get ready for his day. So he did just that, changing from pajama bottoms to jogging bottoms and one t-shirt to another, adding a hoodie on top, followed by lacing up his favorite sneakers to finish the look. His job didn't require much dressing up since he was a dance instructor for a dance academy and it was a perk he liked about the profession. He was thankful for it the most today when he needed to feel wrapped up and comfortable. He could pretend like he was laying in bed when he was warm and wearing soft material. 

Entering his kitchenette to grab something to eat, Shotaro felt his stomach roll in nausea before he could even reach the fridge and he couldn't bring himself to ingest anything. He grabbed a banana just in case he improved before arriving at the studio but the thought of food going into his mouth had his throat closing up in protest. He would benefit from eating but he couldn't force his body to do it. 

Shotaro was really getting sick of being so sick. He'd been in Korea for four months and yet his body still hadn't adjusted to the differences from his home country. The culture, the air, and even the water were so different. Shotaro told himself that living in Japan for twenty-three years and then suddenly moving out of the country could have its effects on someone. He figured he just wasn't used to Korean summers, even though they weren't much different from Japan's summers. Maybe it was the idea of being away from where he grew up? Surely he would adjust soon, he just had to make it past the summer months and heat. He preferred it cooler anyway. 

Shotaro had to leave so he could catch his bus ride to the dance academy. Being late would lead to his class being delayed and then he would have a bunch of irritated students on his hands. He didn't want that, they surely had other priorities other than dance and he didn't want to make anyone late. He made sure to grab his backpack, water bottle, and keys before leaving, carrying his singular banana in hand in case his stomach decided to cooperate any time soon. His body felt heavy from fatigue but he could make it through the day. Once he was up and moving it would improve and he could forget about his morning's less than favorable start. He took a swig from his water bottle, hoping it would settle at least the ache in his stomach. Sadly, it didn't; there was no change. 

The bus ride had been uneventful but after sitting down Shotaro was able to eat his banana, taking slow and cautious bites in case his gag reflex decided to act up. It had been enough food for him at the time and he felt the tiniest bit better as though food had been the answer, until he stood up again and his body reminded him how unwell he was, stomach turning in anger. He felt truly sick now, but he was at his stop and he had to get off. There was no time to stall and collect himself in the aisle. 

The studio wasn't far from the bus stop thankfully and the short walk was enough to help calm the storm raging inside him. He had far too many close calls this morning and it had him worrying about the classes he had ahead of him. This was the worst he's been since this mystery illness, for lack of a better term, started and that was troubling him. Shotaro said a short prayer to himself that he could make it through until his last class. Then he could get as sick as his body wanted at home. 

But it was starting to look like the universe was not on his side that day. Setting first foot into the studio had him recoiling back into himself, soul nearly leaving his body. It was disgustingly warm inside, sticky, and humid from the two classes that had already happened before he arrived. It smelled like sweaty bodies now too and it was really getting to him. The air conditioning in the building was on the fritz since last week but the temperature inside the dance academy practice rooms had been warm at most. But this already hot morning had taken its toll on the students and inside the walls of Shotaro's workplace, leaving it sweltering. There were fans placed everywhere but none seemed to help the situation. It was unpleasantly stuffy and odorous, and it had Shotaro's stomach returning to its previous disposition. 

He was intensely overwhelmed and stood still for a few moments to try and compose himself and his stomach, then focusing on his employer as he walked into the front foyer with a ridiculous smile on his face. Typical behavior of his, "Good morning, Shotaro san!" Yuta greeted in Japanese, knowing Shotaro wasn’t entirely too comfortable speaking Korean yet. He did his best to help teach him useful Korean but learning a language was hard, he understood that the most. Sometimes it was comforting hearing someone speak your native language. Yuta had planned to say more in the moment but he quickly noticed the pale look on the younger's face and concern grew in his demeanor, smile disappearing entirely, "Are you doing okay? You don't look so great." 

Shotaro was indeed not feeling great, not at all as a matter of fact, but he couldn't even formulate that thought into words before he was rushing forward and pushing past Yuta towards the only bathroom in the building. Yuta, jostled and shaken, followed quickly after the confusion cleared from his thoughts, knowing exactly what was about to happen. His friend needed his help and possibly his comfort, and he was going to deliver. 

His body worked on autopilot and Shotaro crashed to his knees in front of the toilet bowl, his body taking no time as it expelled the banana that sat so heavily, like a rock in his stomach. It hurt coming back up and his brain was begging his body to stop, the shake in his hands translating to his arms and torso. It was similar to panicking but his body was aware of what was happening and clung so desperately to his sanity. His head was starting to pound in pain, throat raw. 

While Shotaro had felt consistently sick over the past month he had been able to push past it every day, this was the first time he had thrown up anything. Of all times to choose and be this level of sick, it was before a lesson he had to teach. This was evidently not his morning. 

Yuta made his way quickly to Shotaro's side after he locked the bathroom door behind him, falling to his own knees as one hand went to rub between Shotaro's shoulder blades to maybe help ease his body into relaxation. He stayed silent, knowing Shotaro wouldn't listen or be able to respond to what he had to say when he was a little more than occupied with his body's violent retching. He wished he could do something more but he was at a loss. There was nothing for him to do. 

Eventually, Shotaro's body was able to calm down and cease all the vomiting. Relief washing over him, Shotaro was able to rest his muscles for once and ease the forced strain on his body, falling back onto his feet with his face buried in his hands. His jaw hurt now, throat begging for water and succor after such exertion. Yuta handed him some tissues to wipe his mouth and nose, something Shotaro was thankful for. Sudden embarrassment washed over him. He had just thrown up in front of his employer, the person he sees every weekday saw him struggle and weak. They were friends yes but Shotaro didn't want him to see him in one of his low points. 

"Are you okay now?" Yuta asked cautiously, in case Shotaro needed to throw up again. He wanted to give the younger some time to compose himself, but the concern was killing him. One hand continued to rub his back, slow circles right between his shoulder blades, "Still feel sick?" 

Shotaro was exhausted as though he could sleep for a week and he was still nauseous. His stomach was still swirling in anger, but he felt much better after getting that ick out of his system. Yuta's hands were helping, "I think I'm okay now," he scooted back until he was sitting on his butt, much more comfortable than kneeling on the hard tile. He folded his legs over the other and hunched forward to rest his back, "I didn't wake up feeling very well," he groused, braving a glance at Yuta. He noted the frown on his features and it had his mouth drying in embarrassment. 

"Why did you come in if you weren't feeling 100% yourself?" the older asked cautiously, brows still furrowed in curiosity. The typical reaction to feeling ill was to stay home, yet here Shotaro was ready to teach his handful of classes for the day. That wasn't normal and he preferred Shotaro had stayed home and rest. 

Shotaro wanted to give him the exact reason why he came in. He didn't want to miss out on pay because he couldn't afford it, but he didn't need a pity party when he was already having one. He was frustrated, embarrassed, and he felt ill, and it was a lot to deal with when he was so distracted. He couldn't help the way his eyes started to itch as tears welled up, Yuta growing blurry in his vision, "I'm sorry," his voice cracked and shook, resolve wavering. 

"What are you apologizing for?" Yuta's demeanor dropped into a pitiful frown, voice careful, not liking that Shotaro was that upset. He was growing anxious himself at how his friend was acting, "This isn't something you can control." 

"I know," Shotaro sniffled, using the heel of his hand to brush away the tears that were growing close to falling, "I just don't think you want to see me like this when you _need me_ teaching and when I _need_ the money. In fact, I have a class I have to get to," he had a good ten minutes left until he had to warm up with his students, an advanced class that was one of his most rigorous. He would need to do his own warming up, and it would take longer with how he was still feeling. He needed to go and he made a move to stand up but Yuta held him down in his place by the shoulder. Shotaro wasn't getting away that easily. 

"I don't mind you being sick and calling off, I just wish you'd told me so we could work through it. I prefer it when you feel your best and aren't throwing up in my studio," Yuta smiled sympathetically. He wasn't aiming to make Shotaro feel guilty, just lighten the mood, "From now on, if you aren't feeling well, don't come in. I have you on salary, I could just give you earned sick days and you'd be fine," Shotaro was a well-experienced dance instructor and from that gained experience, he was eligible for salary and was one of the few who were granted that privilege in the entire academy. If he was worried about money, there really wasn't a problem and it was something Yuta would take care of. 

That made Shotaro feel a little better, but there was another problem, "If I called off every time I felt ill then I wouldn't have come in the past few weeks," Shotaro hadn't meant to let that detail slip past his mouth, but he caught himself too late. It was out there now and Yuta had heard it, and now his eyes were wide and shocked. 

"You've been sick for the past few weeks?" Yuta asked, body rigid in surprise. He hadn't heard a word of any discomfort before; Shotaro just wasn't that kind of person. The younger hadn't even looked sick any of the days he came in. 

"Close to that... Maybe a month," Shotaro admitted sheepishly, one hand going to grab his wrist. His nails started to scratch lightly at his skin, shame and embarrassment eating at his soul. He couldn't hold eye contact anymore, it was too difficult, "But not sick enough to throw up. It's only been today," adding that small detail was his last hope of downplaying the situation. He frantically did not want Yuta to overreact, even though the older had every reason to. 

"That's a long time, Taro," far too long, and laughable if it weren't so serious, "Have you seen a doctor?" Yuta asked, keeping his head level. He didn't want to overwhelm his younger friend after the morning he'd had. Well, more like the past month. He was amazed that he'd gone this long in all honesty. He should have gone after the second day of feeling ill. 

Shotaro shook his head, "No," he kept his eyes locked on his lap, still refusing to meet Yuta's eyes. He twiddled his thumbs, keeping his hands busy to keep his fidgeting at bay. He wanted to get up and leave but he knew that wasn't an option, "I haven't." 

"Why not? You need to see one," Yuta demanded softly. He still didn't want to raise his voice in case Shotaro would cower further into himself. This was no longer a time of scolding, it was a deep dive into Shotaro's thought process and fears, "What's stopping you?" 

Shotaro shifted his shoulders, helping straighten out his upper back after having slumped forward for so long. He sighed, letting himself release his anxieties with less hesitation, "I'm afraid of going to a doctor's appointment and not being able to communicate properly," he revealed with a grouse. His Korean was still very subpar and if he was being honest with himself, he could barely get by. That fact alone made him nervous to talk to people around him, he couldn't imagine explaining his situation to a doctor effectively, "It'll be a nightmare for me." 

It was Yuta's turn to sigh, shaking his head, "That's a little silly. You're just avoiding it then," he clarified, seeing Shotaro's true heart, "Clinics have plenty of services for you if you can't speak Korean well enough. Surely you know that, and surely that's not what's truly stopping you." 

Shotaro did know that, but whether or not he had that available to him, going to a doctor was never pleasant. It was a little scary to him and doctors were never his favorite, especially ones that didn't speak his language, "But I've only thrown up once; it can't be that bad. I'm fine. I think I'm just literally homesick," he takes a moment to reminisce on his home country and how much easier it is there for him than it is here in Korea. For the time being; he had ambitions to reach, "It's hard adjusting to a place you don't know." 

Hearing that, Yuta felt his heart shatter. Being sick was the worst, but being so sick for so long so far away from your family was even worse. Yuta understood more than anyone how he felt, but even if it was homesickness, Shotaro chose to come out here and he chose all the trials he would endure. Avoiding a doctor wasn't going to do him any good, "If you're worried about communication then I can go with you and translate. It'll be easier if you have a friend there with you," Yuta's Korean was nearly fluent, he had studied hard before his arrival to the country. He would be of great help to Shotaro in the long run, and he would help Shotaro feel comfortable in a setting that always made him feel uncomfortable. 

"You don't have to," Shotaro shook his head, feeling his stomach settle some more. Yuta always made him feel calm, even when he was having a good day and wasn't anxious. For the moment, he was definitely anxious.

"If you need me to then I will," Yuta insisted, placing a comforting hand on Shotaro's shoulder, thumb rubbing against the fabric of his shirt, "I'd rather you go with someone you can trust and rely on. Please go see a doctor, and I'll happily go with you." 

Shotaro sighed, taking a second to think before his response was, "I'll think about it," but he didn't intend to. He still had to muster up the courage to go at all let alone with Yuta at his side. He didn't want to think about it now though, he had a class to teach, "But first, I should go to class and warm-up," he was cutting it close with time, but he could fit in a few stretches in the time he had remaining. There were certainly students already in the practice room doing their own stretches before they had to do routine warm-ups as a class. Shotaro was supposed to be the first one present, today that was not the case and he felt disappointed in himself for that. 

But Yuta held him down again, a firm hand on his shoulder, "I don't think you can teach today, nor do I want you to. I should send you straight home," Shotaro needed rest to recover, and constantly working was not going to help him improve. No way was he staying in the building a second longer, "Grab your bag and go." 

"Absolutely not," Shotaro exclaimed, hopping to his feet despite the fact that he was still queasy. He was a little wobbly at first, further proving that he needed to sit down and not dance, but the reminder of getting his paycheck was a convincing motivator, "I also can't go a day without dancing. If you make me walk out of the studio I will lose my actual mind," that was probably true, Shotaro never went a day without at least creating on the spot choreographies to his favorite songs. 

"Shotaro," Yuta groused, getting up to follow his friend. He caught up to his quick and had to stop him before he passed through the doorway leading to the practice rooms. He stuck an arm out, blocking his path, "I'll let you stay, but if you throw up one more time I am taking over and you will not be teaching the rest of the day," it was a threat and Shotaro was getting the point across. He was pushing Yuta to the edge and he knew that, so he was going to listen and stay in line for now, "Do you understand me?" 

"I do," Shotaro nodded, ignoring the way his stomach flipped once more. It wasn't in the same way that made him want to sprint back to the bathroom but in the way that made him nervous. He might just have to throw up again, but he didn't want to do that and if he did end up running back to the bathroom to vomit, he would be going home and missing out on pay. For now, he had to play it off and convince Yuta he was fine now. 

And he did so successfully for his first class. He was able to put on a convincing smile and dance his best all while pretending as though he hadn't thrown up his breakfast down the hall. His nausea seemed to pass until it returned with a vengeance. Near the end, his resolve was starting to crumble and it wasn't until he was finished with the class that he left the practice room and returned to the bathroom, feet growing faster the closer he stepped. He promptly threw up the water he had gulped down, tearing his throat up and building an uncomfortable pressure behind his eyes. This was now the second time he had thrown up since he started feeling sick. 

Shotaro hadn't spent much longer in the bathroom and thought he was able to slide past Yuta's watch. Shotaro prayed that he could pass this by, but it wasn't until he passed through the bathroom door that he was confronted with a worried yet stern-looking Yuta, arms crossed over his chest and a confident stance holding his body up. Shotaro slouched against the door jamb, brows furrowing in defeat. Looked like he was being sent home. He really tried his best. 

\---------

Shotaro entered the lobby of his apartment complex and exhaled heavily. It was a familiar smell and while it wasn't exactly pleasant, he did associate the smell as a teaser before he reached home and that was good enough for him. It was sufficient enough to get him the next few steps home. He was looking forward to laying in bed and sleeping off the headache that was starting to pound behind his eyes and in his ears. He wanted nothing more than a cup of tea, a well-deserved nap, and absolute quiet. 

He did slow his step and sigh at the stairs, however, losing his steam. While he was feeling better compared to earlier he was now weighed down by fatigue, muscles aching with every move. His apartment was on the second floor and had the elevator been working and not on the fritz he would have used it to get there. Shotaro had glared at the 'Sorry for the Inconvenience' sign and groused to himself. He was _greatly_ inconvenienced and he would need to climb the single flight of stairs it took to get to his room. He momentarily wondered if he could do it but pushed himself until he was at the top, and once he reached his floor he was almost out of breath and his knees were hurting. It was so out of character, but he figured that would happen after running on water for the past few hours while intensely dancing. His body was exhausted and there was no fuel to feed off of. He figured he should try to eat something when he got to his apartment, but the idea didn't sit well with him. 

His apartment door was in sight and that motivated him further, feet moving the slightest bit faster to get inside so he could drop onto the couch and lay there until he could gain his energy back and then move to his bedroom once he had it in him. He could maybe change his shirt and bottoms but even that sounded like too much work. He would settle for the couch and bed for now, and then he would see what a nap would fix for him. 

A noise starting in the quiet hallway and the view of someone leaving their apartment knocked Shotaro out of his trance, breaking his eye contact with his front door so he could identify which neighbor he was going to give a quiet 'hello' to. He wasn't too familiar with most of the residents on his floor, and outwardly greeting people still had his stomach turning in anxiety. He could efficiently and effectively greet others very well, but the idea of messing even something as simple as that up was enough to hinder his abilities. 

But then he focused on who was entering the hall and felt relief wash over him. He felt the exhaustion that was eating at his muscles lift and the light in his eyes return; he felt himself smile and his spine straighten out as he collected himself again, happy to see who was now in his presence and making his day just that much more bearable. 

It was his very cute neighbor from the opposite side of the hallway, Sungchan, leaving his apartment with a very full laundry bag in hand, no doubt on the journey to the basement to do his week's washing. He was dressed in casual clothes after a full day's work and his long fringe was tied up and out of his face. This was his go-to look when he wasn't in a professional setting, and Shotaro knew that best. 

Sungchan hadn't noticed Shotaro at first but when he looked away from locking his apartment's door, he smiled immediately at seeing his friend and set his bag down, propping it against the wall. His smile lit up in such a way that Shotaro couldn't help but try and match its intensity. Seconds earlier it felt impossible to do so with how tired he was but when Sungchan was in sight, it was effortless to smile so brightly. 

"Shotaro! Long time no see," he greeted in Japanese. The younger only spoke enough Japanese to get by in a few choice conversations and do well with greetings but it was enough and Shotaro highly appreciated the willing effort. Sungchan did his best to use what little he knew and what Shotaro had taught him for Shotaro's sake and it was so meaningful to him. It made his heart skip a beat, "Come here," Sungchan invited, stretching his arms out wide for a hug. His smile was beaming, nose scrunching in delight as he invited Shotaro closer. 

Shotaro needed a hug and he was happy to receive one, picking up his dragging his feet so he could get to that warm hug sooner. He more or less fell into Sungchan's arms, chests pressed together with his head pressed flat to Sungchan's collarbone. Sungchan was so warm and while Shotaro was already warm from the July heat, this kind of warmth was better, more calming. Not hot and stuffy like how he felt now. It was comfortable and relaxing and made his heart slow and steady. 

But it soon seeped into his thoughts that he had acted too soon, going in for that hug without thinking thoroughly first. Although Shotaro hadn't felt the best the past month, now that he'd thrown up he didn't want to give Sungchan the worst of what he's been feeling. Shotaro wanted to pull away for Sungchan's health, but it was difficult to do so when hugging Sungchan had been the best part of his day. Nothing could beat it. And he hadn't gotten Sungchan sick yet, there was the possibility he wasn't contagious, but if he was... He was internally conflicted with his own feelings. 

Luckily, he hadn't needed to make that decision for himself because Sungchan was slowly pulling away. Through that hug, Sungchan could feel the weight on Shotaro's shoulders and it was more than a little concerning. He didn't particularly want to pull away, but he had to, "Long day?" Sungchan guessed, letting his arms fall to his sides, hands digging into his pockets. 

Shotaro nodded. Even though he was home early for the day, it still had felt like an eternity, "It's too warm, and classes are starting to get busy," end of summer recitals were typical, and it was a stressful time on good days. On bad days it was hell, "I don't think my body is really truly adjusted or prepared," he'd fumbled on some words, switched word order, but he was able to get his point across. Sungchan understood and nodded with an endeared smile. Shotaro felt his own smile retaliate, happy to see the younger so cheery. It helped his overall mood and attitude. 

"You work so hard, Taro hyung," Sungchan stated, knowing very well Shotaro's dedication to his art and dedication to teaching children both young and old his craft. He was extremely talented and a perfectionist, something he admired about his older friend, "You deserve some time to yourself. It's hard being a master at something." 

"Thank you," Shotaro bowed respectfully, voice shrinking small at the complement. His cheeks blushed slightly and it was too adorable to handle. He never meant to be as cute as he was, and it was a sight to behold for those lucky enough, "I do my best," his brain almost went fuzzy, losing track of what a normal conversation consisted of. Sungchan was always on top of it though, wanting to hear more and more. 

"How have you been? Not too tired or stressed I hope," Sungchan asked next. He wanted to genuinely listen to how Shotaro was with everything going on, not caring to share his own side of things and instead encourage Shotaro to continue. He had a far more interesting life than Sungchan's. 

Shotaro chuckled to himself. As though Sungchan didn't already know that answer to that question. He knew. The last time he had asked Shotaro that question had been two days ago and not much had changed since then. Still, Shotaro was flustered at the attention, not used to receiving so much. It had nervous butterflies fluttering in his tummy, "I'm pretty tired," was all he could say. He failed to mention how sick he was feeling now that it was slowly returning, but there was no need to worry his friend, "Nothing a nap couldn't fix," with his reality flooding back to the forefront of his mind, Shotaro could feel the world on his shoulders again. His stomach was turning and he felt the fatigue make his body slump. Funny how the mind could trick itself for such a short time. 

"I don't want to keep you from your nap for too long," Sungchan resigned, eyes going wide in guilt at keeping the older from getting that well-deserved rest. If he needed it then he should let him be. 

"It's okay," Shotaro shook his head, shy laugh sneaking out, "I have all afternoon," if he had it his way he would have been asleep by now, but this was a pleasant detour he wouldn't mind taking. 

"Better get started on it now then so you're not up too late," Sungchan encouraged, stooping over to grab his discarded laundry bag and throwing it over his shoulder. He'd almost forgotten why he'd left his apartment in the first place, "I'll let you be." 

Shotaro wanted to argue but he really was exhausted and his body was begging and screaming for a nap. He couldn't deprive himself any longer or he would fall over right there, "Thank you," he nodded, stepping aside to give Sungchan more room to move, "I'll see you around," a definite occurrence considering how close they were as neighbors. They saw each other several times a week, sometimes every day.

There was quite the distance between the two but it wasn't until Shotaro had his door unlocked with a foot in the doorway and one in the hallway and one in the hallway and Sungchan at the top of the stairs before the younger of the two turned back around with a good-natured inquiry, "When you're feeling better, would you like to have dinner with me and maybe a movie on the couch?" his smile was hopeful and bright, shining just enough to catch at Shotaro's heartstrings, "My roommate will be out all night," he mentioned off-handedly, strategically added in to help clarify his intentions. 

And of course Shotaro knew the implications of his words. A movie on Sungchan's couch meant sex and plenty of it. On nights like those it always started out with the two of them paying attention to the details and storyline of whatever movie they chose, but they could never finish the film without wandering hands that were begging for more interactions and burning touch. Neither men had seen the ending of any of the movies they'd tried watching together, too distracted by each other. It happened every time they got together and it wasn't something either were complaining about. Sex is what brought them closer, a night where they could just relax and do something that was such a relief after the day's stress. Sex was the best feeling, and their chemistry made it ten times better. 

This ongoing ordeal started the day Shotaro moved into the building. Shotaro had done the moving by himself and had little to no help when it came to taking his belongings into his new flat. He'd just come from Japan so he hadn't known anyone to help. He had no choice but to move what little belongings he had that were able to make it out to Korea and whatever he bought along the way by himself. And just his luck, and with the complex's history, the elevator had been out of order at that time too, and going up and down the stairs had been his only option. Shotaro had tried taking as few trips as possible but that wasn't going as well as he thought it would and had to make frequent stops to retrieve whatever he happened to drop or couldn't hold. Just when he was about to quit and sit defeated on the stair steps, Sungchan entered the complex to find a very frustrated and resigned looking Shotaro. He had offered to help with sparkling eyes and a selfless attitude and Shotaro shyly accepted his offer. Sungchan had greatly sped up the process and even when Shotaro was finished moving in and the younger wasn't needed anymore, that wasn't the last Shotaro would see of Sungchan. They became quick friends and good friends at that. And here they were now, benefiting from each other while still remaining on good terms. Sungchan had made such an impression on Shotaro that he couldn't help but want to join him on any given occasion. 

Shotaro would have loved to join Sungchan tonight for some one on one time, but he still felt so ill and the idea of engaging in sex while feeling so did not sound pleasant in the slightest. Sex with Sungchan was usually so comforting and made Shotaro feel good, and it was a terribly tempting invite, but he was just so sick that he had to politely decline, "Maybe not tonight, I'm just a little too tired to think about anything other than eating and sleeping," he released a nervous laugh, hoping it wasn't too obvious. Although, thinking back on his statement, he could do without the eating with how hard his stomach was turning, "Ask me again tomorrow and the answer will be yes," he would surely feel better by tomorrow and all the fuss that was wasted on him today will have been all for naught. 

Sungchan nodded, charming smile peeking past those plump lips. Shotaro could taste them from where he stood, "I'll ask again tomorrow," Shotaro nodded, feeling his strength slip away by the second. He needed to get off his feet, "Sleep well, eat some good food, and don't miss me too much," he wished with a tender wave, gaze lingering and locking with Shotaro's.

"I'll do my best," Shotaro laughed, his own smile blinding and sweet even with how tired he was. He was the one who finally broke eye contact, finally stepping into his apartment and feeling his stresses melt away in his safe space. He leaned against the wall of his apartment, toeing off his shoes, too lazy to untie them and too lazy to bend down and pick them up. He left them where they sat and trudged to the couch in his sitting room, crashing onto the cushions and curling up, holding himself tightly. He had been looking forward to this all day long. 

Shotaro thought back on Sungchan's invite and he was sure he would feel better by the next day, he definitely would. Now that he'd actually thrown up, he figured he would feel a lot better and he could finally stop being so ill. Finally getting sick after being ill was probably the best thing that could happen to him. He was sure he'd be healed of whatever ailment had him in its clutches and he could go about daily life again, just like he used to. He missed being able to do that without hindering the effect it had on his body. He smiled, he'd be at Sungchan's tomorrow and it would be a well-deserved break for him.

Shotaro spent the rest of that evening sleeping and the only time he forced his body out of bed was to eat something, figuring it would be better for his body if he did so. Healing required fuel to go off of. He made something light: miso soup and some leftover rice he had stored in the freezer. It wasn't much but it was something, and that was all he could manage before feeling too sick to eat more. He'd then proceed to return to bed and sleep the nausea away. He already felt so much better than he had that morning and Shotaro was confident he was going to be okay again with some proper rest and time to himself. This was what he was waiting for and he could not have been more pleased. 

But it was all wishful thinking because the next morning was even worse. Exponentially worse and it was hilarious how awful he felt compared to the last month and the day before. That had been nothing from before, he was feeling it all now, and his body was protesting everything he had tried to do from the moment he woke up, which happened to be an hour before his alarm. He'd been up since then, laying on the cool tile of the bathroom floor, too afraid to leave in case he needed to vomit into the toilet again. 

And as much as he hated to do it, Shotaro called in sick to the studio and was incredibly apologetic towards Yuta as he explained the situation and every dirty detail. Because he would be absent from the academy classes, the older would need to teach extra classes today and no one liked to do that. It was a lot of work and Yuta would surely become overwhelmed, and it would all be Shotaro's fault. The guilt that swarmed his stomach hurt his throat and made him feel worse than he already felt.

But Yuta wasn't worried. He could handle a handful more classes easily and instead of worrying about himself and his full schedule at the academy, Yuta was understandably more worried about Shotaro's well-being. He was even sicker than yesterday, and after hearing he'd been sick for a month Yuta wanted to get to the bottom of whatever was going on. No one should go through that and act as though it's normal, "I'll stop by when I'm done for the day," which was earlier than the rest of the week. Fridays were always short days, no late classes to attend or teach, yet another perk of the job, "And I'll bring you something to eat that might help your stomach." 

Shotaro wanted to protest and tell his friend no, he didn't have to do that, but he didn't say what was on his mind, he just nodded to himself and accepted the help, "Text me before you get here so I can look a little more decent than I do right now," he didn't look too hot understandably. His hair was tied back and out of his face, he looked pale and had dark bags under his eyes, he wasn't pants, finding it far too hot to wear, "And thank you," he almost whispered, pressing his cheek to the cold tile. It made his head feel a little better. 

"It's not a problem," Yuta assured, smiling on the other end, "Try to get some sleep, and try to drink some water. You don't need dehydration on top of being sick," whatever might be causing his ailment. 

"I'll try my best," Shotaro nodded, although he wasn't so sure what he could manage with how he felt. He curled up into a tight ball, knees pressed to his chest as he felt the nausea return. He was starting to find it difficult to speak, throat closing up and mouth staring to water in preparation to vomit. 

They said their quick farewells and Shotaro was back to laying on the floor in silence as he tried to will the new wave of nausea away. He momentarily wondered if he was going to die from how ill he felt. He hoped he would so he didn't have to feel like this. It was a long day of laying down, sipping on water, and eating the tiniest bites of rice so he wouldn't pass out from spending all the energy he didn't have. Seeing Yuta would be the highlight of his day. 

And just as he promised, after double his lessons, Yuta made his way to Shotaro's apartment complex with rice and light soup he picked up from some restaurant on the way to the building, adding a can of ginger ale that would hopefully come in hand. He wasn't sure what Shotaro had in his possession but he brought everything just in case he needed it. He even grabbed some crackers in case that was easier for the younger to eat, knowing it was hard to stomach food when you were so sick. He was going to do everything in his power to help Shotaro out. 

Shotaro buzzed him in after Yuta made him aware of his arrival and he was soon able to enter through the front door, climbing the stairs to where he knew Shotaro's room was, food clutched tightly in his hands so he didn't spill. He'd been there a few times before and knew his way around, no need for directions and confidence in his step. 

But for a second he was convinced he had it all wrong when he spotted a young man, about Shotaro's age, standing in front of the door Yuta had believed belonged to Shotaro. Maybe he was mistaken? No. He took a quick glance at the numbers on the doors close by and there was no mistaking it. That was Shotaro's door and there was someone he didn't know standing in front of it and knocking, patiently waiting for a response.

Yuta walked up to this young man, soon catching his attention once he noticed how close he was stepping. Yuta greeted him with a large smile, receiving one in return, "Hello, you're here for Shotaro?" he asked, using formal Korean despite him being surely younger than him. Yuta wouldn't use informal unless they were close. 

"Hello," he greeted shyly, bowing at a ninety-degree angle. Yuta returned it, although not as deep when he had food in his hands, "I am actually. I was just checking in on him. I haven't heard a word from him yet," Sungchan had a lop-sided and nervous smile, unsure and slight concern evident in his eyes, "Oh, where are my manners?" he recognized his mistake, "My name is Sungchan. I live just down the hall," he vaguely pointed with his whole hand, Yuta not taking the time to look when he didn't need to know what direction, "And your name?" 

"I'm Yuta," he nodded, smile remaining wide and friendly, "I actually work with Shotaro and was stopping by to check in on him too," it was a start, but nothing else was shared before the door was swinging open and an exhausted looking Shotaro was sticking his head out with a weak smile, fatigue evident. He'd been expecting only Yuta and the surprise in his expression was comical when he noticed Sungchan was joining them, his eyes squinted in confusion. His only two friends were at his door step and he wasn't sure who to address first.

Yuta made that decision for him, "Hey, Taro! I brought you some food, I hope that's okay," he wanted to walk in and set it up for his friend but having someone else there prevented him from taking confident steps forward. Having another person present changed the dynamic and Yuta was not going to take charge. 

"Uh... yeah, it's totally okay. You can go and put it in the kitchen," he directed, opening the door wider so he could let Yuta in. 

Receiving the go-ahead, Yuta made his way through the front door but turned over his shoulder one last time, "It was nice to meet you, Sungchan," then he was entering fully and heading right towards the kitchenette. 

Now it was Sungchan's turn. Shotaro felt bad turning him down but there was no way he was going to be able to do anything when he felt so not like himself, "Hey, I'm sorry but I can't hang out tonight. I've been really sick today and I'm tired and the only reason Yuta senpai is here is because you can't tell him no. He won't listen," which wasn't entirely the truth for that moment but if Shotaro had protested Yuta would have made his way over anyway. He was incredibly stubborn when it came to those he cared about, "Not tonight," he clarified, followed by a very remorseful, "I'm really sorry. I was really looking forward to tonight."

"Hey, no! I totally understand. I wouldn't want to force anything when you obviously don't feel well," there was no denying it. He had never seen Shotaro so unwell before and it was very unsettling in his heart. And he could see it in Shotaro's face that he wasn't lying, "Maybe another time. when you're feeling like yourself," he glanced inside Shotaro's apartment and could see Yuta flitting around and figured now was his time to leave. Shotaro was about to eat, "I should let you eat something if you can," he smiled, sweet and unfazed, "Try to get better." 

"I'm trying to get better," Shotaro responded, fatigue getting the best of him. His feet and legs were starting to ache with no energy in them to stand even a short amount of time. He wanted to either sit or lay down, whatever felt most comfortable. 

"If you need anything, you know where to find me," Sungchan reminded as he turned away in the direction of his flat, not wanting to take up too much of Shotaro's time when he wasn't himself. Sungchan was still smiling even after being turned down, "I'll see you later," his steps were slow as he started to walk, not wanting to leave his friend too fast. The concern was still heavy in his heart but he did not want to overwhelm him when he was already struggling. 

"See you," Shotaro wished back with a weak wave, smile starting to droop in exhaustion as he finally closed his door. He sighed heavily, the kind that came deep from inside his gut and released his soul, "What did you get me?" Shotaro asked, switching to Japanese as he headed back to Yuta, sitting at one of the two dining table chairs he owned. Yuta would take the other one if he was going to sit down and join him. Shotaro could smell the soup and it smelled great and hopefully it was something he could keep down. He was simultaneously hungry and nauseous and it was purely miserable. 

"Miso and rice," Yuta cracked open the can of ginger ale and held it out for Shotaro to take, "But first try sipping on that and see if it helps any," once it was in the younger's hand he was back to dishing out the food into bowls. Shotaro listened and sipped on his can, having trouble swallowing, but once it was down it felt exponentially better. He didn't drink much at a time no matter how much he wanted to down the can. That would not help his situation any. 

"So," Yuta started as he brought over Shotaro's bowls full of rice and soup. He sat down across from Shotaro, making himself comfortable in his seat, "Who was that at the door?" his curiosity was getting the best of him. He only got to hear his name and that was it; Shotaro had cut their conversation too short. 

Shotaro chuckled, setting his can down on the table after taking another few sips. Yuta was so nosy, "Sungchan. He's a friend and my neighbor down the hall. We were supposed to hang out tonight," he had so been looking forward to their time together but it would just have to wait. There was and always would be a next time, "But that's obviously not happening tonight. Not when I'm like this," he gestured to his whole body. He felt gross and icky, and looked it too. He'd cleaned up the best he could for Yuta but even the bare minimum had been too much work. It was ridiculous how little could exhaust him. Shotaro tentatively took a small bite of rice and a small spoon of soup. So far so good. 

Yuta smirked, figuring he could have some fun with this while he had the chance, "Hang out or sleep together?" he asked jokingly, mischievously poking fun at his younger friend. He remembered using the same deception as a teenager when he wanted to go out late with his then-girlfriend, adding in the lie that he was out with friends instead. He wondered how his parents hadn't known, and then momentarily wondered if they had known and decided to say nothing. Yuta liked to think he was sly. 

And while Yuta had been expecting a roll of Shotaro's eyes and a groan of annoyance, maybe even some reprimanding, he instead watched Shotaro's eyes lock onto his soup and blush a bright red. Yuta felt his own smile drop and listened carefully as Shotaro nearly whispered a quiet, "Well, maybe... both," he spun his spoon in his food, trying to fill the silence with some noise. He'd been caught red-handed.

Yuta hadn't been expecting that. He hadn't known Shotaro was seeing anyone, but then again it wasn't his life and he didn't have to know all of the little details. He couldn't comment on it, "Oh, I didn't know," he settled on with a nod. He smiled comfortingly, not wanting Shotaro to get the wrong idea. There was no judgment here. Shotaro could do as he pleased, "He looks like a nice kid. It's whatever works for you." 

"He is pretty great but there's not much to it," Shotaro claimed with an amused chuckle and a shrug. The remaining awkwardness that hung in the air had him squirming and he just wanted to clear it up, "We're not together. It's just really casual, and we're still friends at the end of the day so things are pretty good between us," Shotaro was pretty content with their situation, there was nothing he could complain about. He took another sip of his soup and hummed to himself at the way it settled nicely in his empty stomach. 

"That's good," Yuta nodded. He intended to drop the subject afterward and move on to how Shotaro was feeling, but he couldn't. He was just too curious and he had more questions on his tongue, things starting to click together, "Have you known him long?"

Shotaro swallowed his rice, his throat momentarily protesting at how much he managed to get down with that one swallow. He would need to slow down a bit before he was back at the toilet throwing it back up, "The day I moved in actually. He helped me move my stuff to my apartment. He was super helpful and just stuck around after that," he was endlessly grateful for his help. He was sure if Sungchan hadn't stepped in he would still be on those steps. He remembered the awkward Korean, all of his apologies for not communicating better. Sungchan had been so patient. 

"How kind of him," Yuta hadn't even met Shotaro at that point. They'd made video calls about the job and his position as an instructor, but they had yet to meet in person. Had he known, Yuta would have been there to help. He was happy to hear Sungchan had been the one to help him settle, "How long have you been _seeing_ him?" Yuta still wanted to know, wiggling his eyebrows vexatiously. The dirty details were more fun than the other, small, _unimportant_ ones. 

Shotaro rolled his eyes and figured he better brace himself for more personal questions about Sungchan. This was Yuta he was talking to after all, and he would want to know everything, "Close to three months," he'd only been in Korea for four months. That hadn't meant much more time with anyone else outside of those he knew at work and Sungchan. Shotaro's social circle was very small and limited, Yuta knew this and he would have cracked a joke had he not been distracted.

Something was catching at Yuta's attention, at the deepest parts of his brain. Now that he knew sex was involved in Shotaro's routine, and knowing how sick he has been the past month, there was something eating at the back of his head, "How often do you _'hang out'_?" he asked, sitting up further in his seat, hands clasped in his lap. He was trying to get to the bottom of this, see what he could dig up and out of Shotaro without him getting defensive. 

Shotaro raised a brow, doing his best to read Yuta's expression. It was weirdly empty and it seemed like a complete ruse. Yuta was feeling something else inwardly than he was outwardly and Shotaro could not figure out what it was. For the time being, he was going to assume it was pure curiosity, "You're such a perv," he spat hoping to get a reaction out of his friend. He got a small laugh but it wasn't much. Shotaro rolled his eyes before staring his rice again in thought, "A few times a week, but there isn't always sex," he defended, not wanting to seem as though he was that easy, "We are still friends too and can do whatever we want." 

"Of course, you can have sex with friends and still be friends," Yuta nodded, preparing himself for the next question because he knew this one would be a little too personal and could gain a bigger reaction from the younger, "I just hope you're careful when you sleep together," Shotaro's cheeks were back to being red, wrapping around his temples to bloom his ears scarlet as well, "You're careful right?" 

"Yes," Shotaro responded with a frown, short and stern. He was getting increasingly uncomfortable and he felt like he could cry, "I don't want to talk about this anymore," he shook his head, not wanting another question about his sex life, "It's nothing. Really," he insisted, "There's nothing you have to be concerned about. It's casual and careful, I promise. I'm happy with how things are, and that's enough for me," he nodded with a small smile, hoping he was polite and stern enough to set some boundaries between himself and his friend. 

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Yuta nodded with a smirk, feigning satisfaction and respecting the boundaries set. In reality, he was carefully plotting out more inquiries he had, just not about Sungchan, "Are you feeling better?" he asked, getting up so he could grab himself a glass of water, trying his best to shift the tone, "Is the food helping any?" 

Shotaro was happy to see that Yuta was done and nodded, taking another sip of his soup, "I'm feeling a lot better but it's not because of the soup," he clarified, "I usually feel better around this time of the day," his stomach was settled further after time, but the aftermaths of being sick were still clinging to his nerves. There was also the anxiety of getting sick again, "I think it's my body getting used to feeling so bad," he shrugged, not having an answer to his body's peculiarities. 

Yuta squinted his eyes before he returned to his seat, "You feel the worst in the mornings?" 

Shotaro nodded weakly, "I do, but less so in the early afternoon," he took a small bite of both soup and rice, a much bigger bite than the ones he had taken previously, "And once my body is feeling less ill, my appetite comes back with a vengeance," he grabbed for his ginger ale so he could take another sip, "I swear, sometimes I feel like I could eat the whole fridge as if I wasn't just reeling back at the thought of food," to prove his point, he took yet another bite of his food and hummed as the warmth filled his mouth and brought him comfort. He could further enjoy it, "I'm starting to feel better now and I'm wanting to actually eat, but I better not go overboard in case my body tries to rebel again," he wasn't sure how his body would respond if he pushed it. Too much food and he'd be right back where he started the day. He wanted to avoid that. 

"Hopefully it won't," Yuta smiled, taking steps closer to figuring out what was possibly going on with Shotaro. He sipped on his water tentatively, "When you feel sick, do you get light-headed at all? Dizzy?" 

Shotaro nodded his head almost immediately, "When I answered the door earlier I was actually pretty dizzy. Felt like I was going to fall over if I made a wrong move," he had been gripping onto the door like his life depended on it, "And I think it might have to do with low iron levels," Shotaro was no stranger to anemia and it had been a constant battle with his body when he was in high school but it had been a few years since he last struggled with it. Looks like it was returning, and he was familiar with all the symptoms, "I haven't had the chance to get it checked out or do anything about it though," he was also not keen on a doctor's visit for official blood work. That was never a fun time, "I think that's what's making me exhausted too. It's been a struggle getting out of bed for the last two weeks," had he not needed to throw up that morning he would have stayed in bed and tangled up in his blankets. 

Yuta was confident he knew what was going on now. It was all too telling but he hadn't thought of it before. Why would he? It hadn't been an option but now that he knew Shotaro was seeing someone, it was obvious. He stayed fairly silent and to himself as he listened to his friend, unsure how to take the next move. He did not want to upset or overwhelm Shotaro when he already wasn't feeling his best. If he was right, Shotaro would have an absolute fit. 

It was starting to seem he was too quiet for comfort, lost in his thoughts, but luckily Shotaro was filling the silence with his own noises of eating. Shotaro was starting to pick up the pace with his rice and soup as his appetite was slowly returning and he had taken the biggest bite yet, mouthful of food puffing up his cheeks. He quickly swallowed after chewing but was grimacing and placing a hand flat against his chest moments later. He had needed to lean forward in his seat, a cough escaping his mouth to try and clear his throat. 

"What's wrong?" Yuta asked, concern evident in his voice. It was enough for Shotaro to pick up on and feel the need to calm his friend. It wasn't that serious he could assure him. 

"Don't freak out," Shotaro giggled weakly, still feeling the uncomfortable burn in his throat. He spoke through it, "It's just some minor heartburn. I think I ate a bit too fast," it would pass, he just needed a second before he could continue eating. His stomach was starting to feel much better and the idea of eating was exciting, to say the least. 

"Is that happening a lot too?" Yuta asked next, knee bouncing in anxiety as his hands played with his cup of water. He wanted so badly to say something and enlighten Shotaro, "Heartburn?" 

"Only recently and it's been really annoying," Shotaro groused, clearing his throat once more before straightening back up, returning to slower bites of his food, "I think it's due to the anemia's fault," anemia occasionally ruined his acid reflux but it wasn't a huge issue, "It never lasts long though. I can deal with it."

"Strange how all of this is happening to you right now, at the same time," Yuta stated, crossing his arms over his chest, foot still tapping impatiently on the tile floor. Maybe if he could try and get Shotaro to discover it himself he wouldn't have to break the news to him, "Weird turn of events, don't you think?" 

"It's probably just stress," it was no secret Shotaro was constantly stressed; he was stressed even now. Everything that he was feeling could all be due to both avoidable and unavoidable stress, " _And_ my anemia, but I'm not so much worried about it unless it gets worse and then I'll need to see a doctor to get blood work done," Shotaro frowned at the idea of seeing a doctor, and also calling off more days. He couldn't afford that. The idea of it had his head starting to ache, "But I'm hoping it's just literal homesickness that's really got me down," Shotaro set his spoon down as he took the last sip of soup. He was finished and felt well enough to eat more as his appetite returned but his mind was running and worry was starting to overpower his thoughts. He was awfully ill even if he had experienced the worst of it within the last two days. 

"You're still chalking this is all down to homesickness?" Yuta asked with a raised brow. He had to admit that he too had considered it beforehand but now looking at everything with open eyes, there was no doubt that why Shotaro was so ill was not down to being sick away from home, "Is that really what you think?" he hadn't meant for it to happen but his voice darkened with bewilderment. There was no way Shotaro was _this_ clueless and there was no way he was _this_ unknowledgeable. The answer was right there under his nose. 

"What's gotten into you?" Shotaro asked, picking up on Yuta's tone. He wasn't sure where it came from but he knew he didn't want it to go unaddressed, "You sound upset and I'm not sure why. We're just sitting here and talking," in his head, Shotaro was trying to pinpoint a reason what Yuta would be upset about but he was drawing blanks. There was absolutely no reason for him to turn so quickly. It made him think he had done something wrong. 

Yuta cleared his throat and held his ground, softening his features that had hardened with internal frustration. Something else he failed to notice. Now was not the time to be contrary and pointed, he needed to have a talk with Shotaro, "It's just this is really familiar and I guess it wouldn't be as obvious to you as it is to me," he inhaled deeply, holding that air in his chest, "A lot of what you're experiencing," he paused, taking a second for himself, "Well, those were all symptoms Sicheng had," he swallowed thickly, "When he was in the early stages of his pregnancy," he gauged Shotaro's expression and watched for any sign of connection. There was none to be made and Yuta had just about had it. He needed to be blunt and ask Shotaro outright or he wouldn't understand, "Do you think you could be pregnant?" 

Now that it was out in the open, there was a painful silence sticking between the pair as it was processed thoroughly. Yuta could feel his foot tapping aggressively again as he waited for Shotaro to process what he'd just asked of him. It was a slow realization at first, but then Yuta could see the moment it clicked in Shotaro's brain. There was shock and disbelief and to Yuta that was enough of an indicator of what was going on. He was realizing it was a plausible answer and that he might indeed be pregnant. 

But there was still a determination behind Shotaro's eyes because what Yuta had just suggested was ridiculous and there was no way. It took a few seconds before he could properly process a response and he was then shaking his head, slowly at first and then increasing in speed as his confidence returned, "That's not something I'm worried about," Shotaro shook his head in finality, arms folding over his chest. He was confident in his stance, "I can't be. We're always so careful," and they were because they always made sure to wear condoms and to always dispose of them properly after the fact. He wasn't stupid; he knew how to be safe. 

"So were Sicheng and I, and look what happened," Yuta reminded Shotaro, and he had a point. Yuta had a six-month-old baby boy named Renjun with his husband and it was no secret that he had been a surprise baby. The pair had planned children for a few years later, but lack of proper protection resulted in their shining star of a son arriving earlier than they had anticipated, "The only foolproof way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. And from what you've told me, you've been having a lot of sex, my friend." 

Shotaro was starting to shake, a combination of anxiety and denial fueling his nerves. Pregnant? Him? There was no way, "I can't be pregnant," he stated, voice starting to shake and throat tightening to a near close. He knew there was a possibility he could be pregnant, but to be pregnant now was an inconvenience. He couldn't be pregnant now, "Not now, not when I'm barely getting by on my own," money was such a huge concern of his. He had to afford living in a country where he was alone and had no help, he had to afford all of life's necessities, and he couldn't do that alone and with a baby, "I only just got here too," Shotaro came to Korea to be independent and start his life outside of Japan, and now he has a kid to think about? It had Shotaro's stomach turning again, returning to its previous disposition. 

Despite the need for Shotaro to acknowledge pregnancy as an option for him, Yuta hadn't considered his younger friend's reaction and its impact, and seeing it now he recognized the pure terror in his body. Yuta could pick up on the panic in his features and he _needed_ to step in before it progressed into something worse. Shotaro looked on the verge of a panic attack, "But then again I could be wrong," he backtracked, getting up from his seat so he could be closer to Shotaro, right next to his side, stooping so he was closer to eye level, "I could be wrong and it really could be anemia and it's all in my head," although he doubted this was 'all in his head', Yuta did not want Shotaro to have a complete and utter meltdown right there at his dining table when he was just starting to feel like himself again. He'd had such a rough day already, "We'd have to take a test to be sure."

"Then I need to take a test as soon as possible," Shotaro nodded, hands thrown up in the air immediately after it was suggested, still sounding choked up but aware of the situation with a mind of clarity, "I need to take a test and then I can decide if I should have a mental breakdown or not," Shotaro was doing his best to keep it together but he was very nearly in tears, "I'll go get one now," Shotaro was resolute, he had to go. But as soon as he jumped out of his raised chair and was on his feet, he was stumbling as his head grew dizzy and his vision blurred. He gripped onto the back of the chair he had just been in and leaned forward, bracing himself against the seat. Yuta held him steady with a hand on his shoulder and a hand holding onto his wrist. He stood up too fast. 

"I can go get the test for you, and you can sit and relax here until I get back okay?" Yuta directed, guiding Shotaro towards the couch so he could sit and relax somewhere more comfortable, "There's a convenience store just down the street. I can run down there and grab a test and be right back. Can I trust you to stay here and not get up?" if Shotaro had proven his character at all, he would be up and about, walking and pacing instead of sitting down as he should be. He was too antsy. But his body could not go for that at the moment; there was much more to worry about. 

Shotaro felt like protesting, being contrary and saying he was well enough to stand for long periods of time, but he was truly exhausted and didn't feel it possible to wander around his apartment. And the anxiety was exhausting his mind, too many thoughts running through the grooves of his brain. He chose to nod silently, relaxing into the couch cushions and using a hand to rub at his forehead. He would kill for a nap and to not be awake right now. Sleep felt like a long shot though with all the anxiety making his heart race. 

"I won't be gone long," Yuta promised as he stood up and headed towards the apartment door, wallet and car keys in hand, "Try not to worry too much."

But that was all Shotaro did while Yuta was gone. Worry. It wasn't possible for him to feel any other emotion and he realized he needed Yuta there to keep him sane. Doubt and finality were ruminating and causing a stir in his head and it made him want to cry. He was simultaneously in deep denial and at the same time already accepting his fate and it was not sitting well in his stomach. Shotaro didn't know what to think in all honesty. _He can't be pregnant. But what if he is? But he's not, but is he? He has been sick for a while and is tired all the time, it makes sense but he can't be. He's just stressed, but maybe the stress had a better explanation?_ He was deep in his own head and time felt like it stood still until he was being knocked out of his stupor by Yuta's return. With his return, he knew what that meant. 

It was his time to take a pregnancy test. Yuta had been careful when greeting him, holding the test out like it was a gift with a soft smile. It was certainly not a gift, it was more like an offensive gesture to Shotaro. But he would accept this gift because he had to. 

He grabbed it from Yuta's hand and carefully lifted himself from the couch, a helping hand from Yuta aiding him on his way. Yuta stood close behind and followed him until the younger had to enter the bathroom and take the test, standing outside the door and keeping his distance. He was nervous as well, not particularly wanting the test to be positive. But he knew the outcome already. Shotaro was pregnant; there was no way he wasn't. 

Shotaro stalled for a minute, pacing slowly in the small space of his bathroom, ignoring the curious urge deep in his stomach. He had to take the test, if not for his peace of mind then for the results to finalize his situation. It was a lot on his strained body and mind but this was something he had to do. So he removed the test from the box, reading the instructions thoroughly to himself even though they weren't needed. There was no way to mess up with a pregnancy test. It was impossible. 

Once done taking the test, Shotaro opened his door to find a concerned-looking Yuta. He had been chewing on his thumbnail, a habit he had when he was nervous. He smiled comfortingly when he was with Shotaro again, hoping it was enough to help lighten the mood. It didn't help, "Did you take it?" it was a valid question although seemed ridiculous. Shotaro could have been too nervous to try and could have exited to ask for some moral support and verbal encouragement. Shotaro didn't often need it but sometimes his self-confidence lacked, Yuta had seen it a few times and he was always happy to help. It was always bizarre seeing Shotaro act so small. 

"I took it," Shotaro confirmed, holding up the test with the cap placed on the end and the small screen loading as it processed the results, "We just have to wait," he walked further out and past Yuta, returning to his previous spot on the couch. If the results were what he dreaded then he would need to sit down to read them. He placed the test on the couch armrest and then scrubbed at his face, agonizing over the results that had yet to appear. Yuta joined him on the couch, carefully sitting on the opposite side with his hands clasped between his knees. 

Neither spoke, but Yuta wanted to so badly. To assure Shotaro that everything would be okay and that they would work through the situation and that he technically wasn't alone. He had him and Sicheng, who were never going to deny him aid. He didn't know Sungchan very well but from what he had seen, Sungchan was a pretty good guy, but he chose to wait until they had the results to say such things. Sharing his thoughts now before they received their results could be all for naught if it turned out it was negative. He was sure it wouldn't though, but he knew Shotaro was hoping it would. 

Shotaro was in his own world and watched the test like a hawk, eyes never leaving the small plastic stick and its loading screen. He wrung his hands together in anticipation, hurting his fingers and palms as he did so. Shotaro lost time as he was lost in the grooves of his brain, thinking the worst of the situation. Having a baby had not been the plan, nor in his near future, and he was hoping with all of his heart that he wasn't pregnant. He felt like tearing up and crying because he couldn't be doing this right now. But it all came back to him and he was suddenly back in his body, eyes focusing again on the test in front of him. The results were crystal clear and sure enough, Shotaro was pregnant. The test had decided his fate and there was nothing he could do about it. 

It was honestly difficult to fully comprehend the results. It didn't feel real but at the same time, he was hyperaware of his body and everything it was feeling and it was suddenly making sense. He was pregnant but he couldn't be for many reasons. Shotaro felt his heart race and thump against his ribcage in an anxious rhythm. His throat felt dry and it was hard to swallow, his voice caught in his throat. He wanted to talk, verbally express his fears, but he couldn't. _There was no way._

With his silence taking control and swallowing the whole room, it was up to Yuta to break it. The older glanced over at the test and could clearly see the results, plain as day. He had already known it first and had been confident about it and here Shotaro was pregnant, but now was not the time to claim victory over his knowing that his friend was pregnant. Shotaro was obviously not taking this well and he would need some coaxing in order to talk. 

"I know this is shocking and not ideal," Yuta started, voice cautious and kind, a hand placed gently on his shoulder, "But I'm always here for you, both Sicheng and I. We'll be happy to help with whatever you need," he phrased his next sentence carefully, still unsure about the situation and the dynamics, "And you're not alone. You have Sungchan, too," he saw the way they interacted and there was no animosity there, in fact, there was chemistry and connection. If Yuta could read anything about Sungchan's character, it was that he wasn't a player. He obviously cared for Shotaro; there was no doubt about that. 

But apparently, Shotaro believed otherwise. The look of pure horror in his eyes and the furrowed brows and deep frown as if Yuta had insulted him left Yuta baffled, "I can't tell Sungchan! Are you nuts?" Shotaro's heart was now beating in a completely different rhythm. It was no longer anxiety, it was the surety of the younger man's reaction and an odd sense of anger towards Yuta for suggesting such a ridiculous thing, "I don't _have_ Sungchan," he sounded so sure, "He's a friend who lives down the hall who I frequently have sex with," that was their dynamic. Sungchan was not a boyfriend, he was not present for quite a bit of his daily life, he was someone he saw a few times a week. Telling him he was going to be a father would end in chaotic disaster. 

But Yuta was finding this all strange and he could see right through Shotaro. His own frown found its way to his features, "That's all Sungchan is to you? A friend?" from what he could see, Shotaro and Sungchan were more than good friends. It wasn't making much sense to him. Shotaro sounded as though he was defending himself and jumping to conclusions. 

But that wasn't the truth. It had taken a few times with Sungchan for Shotaro to realize that he had a little more than sexual attraction towards the younger. That wasn't ever his intention, to gain feelings for this person he honestly barely knew, but that's how it ended up and it made things in his head that much more confusing. Shotaro transitioned from frustrated to pitiful, "Well, no... not to me at least," Shotaro admitted, and there it was. Yuta had known already, he'd seen the way they had acted around each other, "But it's insanely complicated, and I don't know if he likes me in that way... he hasn't said anything before..." but neither had he... 

Yuta felt the frustration build in his chest and threaten to creep up his throat. Shotaro couldn't see it but it was crystal clear to anyone observing from the outside, "Even if you don't think he thinks that way about you, you still need to tell him you're pregnant," how can he not? Shotaro frowned and turned his head down, "What's he going to think when you turn him down every time he wants to hang out? What about when you start to walk through the halls with a bump? And then when the baby is born how are you going to hide them?" it was impossible and Sungchan would easily notice. Yuta softened his voice and then cleared his throat, "I only met Sungchan for a few seconds, but from that short interaction I could tell he cares deeply for you and I think you're selling him a bit short. He seems genuine and kind and you should tell him as soon as possible. You could hurt him if you don't tell," Yuta knew he would feel hurt by not knowing. 

"But what if he doesn't believe me?" Shotaro asked, voice cracking at 'believe', "We're not dating, and he could think I see other people on the days we aren't together," it was plausible. They had plenty of time to spend with other people when they weren't with each other. Anything could happen and that was evident now, "He doesn't have a reason to believe me," in his head, Shotaro thought of how much Sungchan would probably hate him and never want to talk to him again. The thought had both his heart and head hurting. 

"A reason to believe? He probably trusts you with so much already and you think he's going to deny you're pregnant with his baby?!" Yuta asked, wondering how Shotaro was so doubtful. He barely knew the kid but just from his aura he could tell he was reliable and kind. 

"Even then he's the least of my worries," Shotaro claimed and switched directions, huffing back into the couch cushions. He rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache coming on from all the stress, "What about my job at the studio? My parents? The landlord?" these were all worries he managed to think up while Yuta had been away and buying the test. He could think up a lot if his anxiety was high enough, "I won't be able to work much longer at the studio if I'm pregnant," he assessed Yuta's expression at the mention of his job and could see how it was a worry of his too. He very well couldn't be hugely pregnant and choreographing intense and intricate routines, "And rent is already a lot to pay so adding bills for baby on top of that will cost me a fortune," he paused, bracing himself for the next issue on his list. He sighed all of the air out of his lungs until his chest hurt, "And even better, my parents will be extremely disappointed in me. And I don't want to go back to Japan to live there even though I love it there. That'll be something they'll ask me to do, but I won't do it. Not after everything I've done so far," which meant he was having a baby in a country he still wasn't very familiar with. It was scary. 

Shotaro's parents were already very unsupportive of his desire to live in Korea so he could chase his ambitions. He had attended and graduated from a very prestigious school in Japan that trained him to work hard and be an excellent dancer. He was definitely going places in Japan, but in Korea, he would have to build up his career and his name, and start completely over. He moved anyway with the idea that he was going to do bigger and better things and even though it was his dream, his parents were still wildly unsupportive. Moving back to Japan wouldn't be the worst thing, that was his home after all, but moving to Korea was a good decision for him and his disposition remained resolute. 

Yuta looked unsure how to respond because he didn't have an answer to all of Shotaro's problems. There was a lot he would have to deal with and it would be extremely difficult, but Shotaro knew that. For once, Yuta didn't know how to come back and share his helping words. He was lost, and it was an odd sensation to feel when he usually spoke whatever came to mind. There was nothing at the moment. 

It was a lot to deal with and Shotaro was nearing his limit. Tears were building up and he could burst at any second, and he'd rather not have Yuta witness his full-blown breakdown, "While I've loved having you here," he miffed sarcastically, tone heavy, "I think you should go so I can have some time to myself," it was a reasonable request, there was a lot to agonize over and in some ways, understand further. Shotaro had yet to fully accept the fact that this was happening to him, that he was pregnant, and he felt he needed those few seconds to himself and alone with a clear mind, "So I can think."

Yuta fully understood and nodded, lifting himself from the couch. He thought of reaching out and patting Shotaro on the shoulder in a comforting gesture, but he decided against it. Physical touch was not the best in the situation he was dealing with, "Take as much time as you need, and I'll see you on Monday if I don't see you before then," he had a feeling he wouldn't, but sharing that sentiment was a way of showing kindness and it was the least he could do. Saying nothing was not something he often did, but it was something Shotaro needed, "Try to take care of yourself until then." 

And with that he was gone, out the apartment door and leaving Shotaro alone with his thoughts. Now alone, he finally let himself cry, starting slow before he was spilling more onto his cheeks. It quickly progressed and it was starting to sting his eyes. What was he going to do? Other than cry? He didn't know.

\-------

"I called the clinic you suggested," Shotaro began when he walked into the academy foyer, not even bothering with a hello, or Korean for that matter. Yuta had been standing at the front desk, leaning on the counter just as he always does, greeting all the students that enter just as he did every day. No one failed to greet him when he had a smile like that, and he was such a household name among students. He did own the studio after all, "I have an appointment at noon on Wednesday with Dr.Ok." 

Yuta had texted Shotaro later in the evening after taking the test and sent him the number for the clinic he and Sicheng went to when they were pregnant with Renjun. Shotaro had gained enough courage to call a doctor on his own and on his own time, which happened to be the day after he took the test. Carrying something that life-changing under his belt with no confirmation had his skin crawling. So he called the day after he found out when he had originally planned to call on Monday, thinking it would give him enough time to fully process. He also figured it would be a reasonable time to call on a weekday rather than on the weekend when availability was limited. But his patience proved to be running thin because he couldn't wait that long. Calling on his own had his heart racing but it was something he needed to do for his peace of mind. Language and communication hadn't been too much of an issue, but it did have its blips and mishaps. The secretary had been very patient and very kind and was willing to help him every step of the way until they reached their conclusion. Shotaro was penciled in for an appointment for that Wednesday and it was nerve-wracking, it was final, and it felt too soon. This was happening but oh how he wished it wasn't. 

Yuta raised his eyebrows in surprise, a careful smile curling his lips. He was very proud of Shotaro for making that step on his own without his help, "That was fast," genuine surprise was in his voice, "I'm happy you decided to call them, they're such a great clinic! They made Sicheng and I feel so welcome and the technicians are all super friendly. You'll have friends by the end of your visit. And your doctor is amazing, she's one of the kindest people I know," he smiled, relaxing from his pose and lifting himself from the counter. Shotaro walked closer to Yuta, bag thrown over his shoulder now carefully dropping to his side as he slumped in his spot. Shotaro was still so unsure; this was all so unfamiliar, "How are you feeling today?" Yuta asked next, hoping he wasn't feeling too terrible. 

"Not that great," Shotaro answered honestly. He'd thrown up before he left the house, but it was exponentially better than he felt on Thursday and Friday. He'd only had to retch twice and managed a slice of toast before he left the apartment, "But I'll survive. I brought soup from home," he assured as he lifted up his bag from his side. There was a thermal of hot miso soup inside. It was the easiest for him to consume when he usually felt so ill. There was also a small cup of rice, but that wasn't always so easy to eat. He'd have to wait and see how he feels later on when he has his scheduled lunch break. 

Yuta nodded softly, smile still remaining on his features, "I should give you the day off on Wednesday," he suggested after a second of thought, "I imagine you'll need some time to process and hopefully get a full grasp on everything," both he and Sicheng had needed some of that time to themselves to process the fact that they were having a baby, and they were married, had a house, and both had well-paying jobs. Shotaro only had the job part, but even then, he was using his money alone with no help. He would need a little more time, "Might as well take the whole day to yourself and figure some stuff out."

Shotaro honestly didn't like the idea of doing that. Spending the day alone and to his thoughts to process meant letting his mind think whatever he wanted. His mind could go anywhere and that was not something Shotaro was mentally prepared to do. He'd prefer spending the morning hyping himself up before attending the appointment, then going, and then returning to the academy to teach and get his mind off things. It would be a great distraction, but there was no way Yuta would let that happen. He'd want him home so he could mull this over properly, "I might have to," he would need to find something else to occupy his thoughts during his time home. He might break down otherwise, "Thank you." 

Yuta could spot the hesitation in both his eyes and his voice but he wasn't going to comment on it. Shotaro might not think so now, but he would be thankful for the time by himself after everything happens, "Do you know where you're going?" he asked, worrying about his next travel time. Yuta would have a fully booked day on Wednesday, not just teaching his own classes but also holding meetings with management and other teachers. He would offer Shotaro a ride if he could, but it wasn't an option on that day. Sicheng was busy as well, what with their baby to tend to and him returning work calls and such. Neither were able to give him a ride and surely Shotaro would not be comfortable with Yuta's other friends who had cars. He would personally call and pay for his cab, but Shotaro would surely struggle with that as well. He didn't accept 'charity', as he would so put it. It would be difficult to get him to go anywhere not on his own terms. 

But Shotaro didn't need the offer for a ride because he'd already looked at times and routes in preparation, even going as far as confirming the bus number with Yuta. The older man was happy to see everything so perfectly laid out and in order, "I'm not entirely sure where to hop off but I'll keep my eye on the map and make sure I get off at the right time," he had the destination saved in his phone so he wouldn't forget it. He'd already memorized the address after looking at it just about fifty times, so there was no way possible he _would_ forget. Shotaro was all set and it had Yuta smiling with satisfaction. 

"That first appointment is wonderful, and you're lucky. You'll get an ultrasound if you're as far along as I think you are," based on what he knew, Shotaro was most likely eight weeks along give or take, but then again, every pregnancy can be different. This was his guesstimate, "And you'll get something to take home! I want to see those scans as soon as you come back from work, okay?" the excitement of it all had him giddy, butterflies fluttering in his belly, "You'll get to see him or her and it'll fell magical," he remembered Sicheng's first ultrasound with Renjun and it had been astonishing. 

This was the exciting part, but Shotaro did not feel the same at all. It was terrifying and scary, but exhilarating at the same time, in a weird way. He wanted to keep a clear mindset in hopes that it would prepare him for the day, "Hopefully I'll think that way once it's happened," but he doubted he would. He was still single and on his own. He would say 'for now', but he wasn't sure about that. 

"Are you ready?" Yuta asked next, noticing the hesitation in his friend's voice and his features. He knew already that he would act as such but now that he had an appointment set it was definitely a bit harder to accept. This was obviously a lot, "Will you be okay?" 

"I think so," Shotaro nodded, lips pursing in thought, "I have to get this part over with don't I?" this was just another thing on his to-do list and then he would be back at work. He was already missing out on too much, he didn't want to use his days off. He just wanted to work and make money so he could afford things. He had a baby coming soon and he _needed_ the money. 

Yuta had to nod, "I guess you do," he wished there was more excitement in his voice, but he understood his situation. It was challenging and not something Yuta had dealt with before. But Shotaro was strong and he knew it was something he could overcome. Look at what he's done already: moved to Korea on his own, got a job, and was making a name for himself in a language he still struggled with. Yuta knew he could do it, and he could do it without his help, "It'll be alright, I promise."

Shotaro nodded, making his way past Yuta with a weak smile, "I have to go to class," his class was soon and he would need to stretch and warm-up. Body isolation was a big thing he was working on with his students to practice better body control and he would need to stretch on his own before that would be ready. It would be a short exercise since they had their recital routines to rehearsal, but he needed the distraction from his personal problems, "I'll catch up with you later." 

Shotaro was done with the conversation, that was obvious, and Yuta was not going to push him anymore into any territory. So he nodded and smiled, "Break a leg! Have fun!" dance was Shotaro's forte and it was like second nature to him, so he didn't need the well wishes. 

Dance was Shotaro's safe place, especially in such hard times when he felt like he had no control. Dance was something he could completely control and make the decisions for, and it helped ease his stress. While his life was spiraling, he had his muscle memory and passion to make up for it. Shotaro would be fine for the next few hours while he focused on the routine before he was back at his personal pity party, drowning in his anxieties. He had two days to go before the big day so for the time being, he would focus on his work and what made him happy. It was a bandaid solution but that was what he could work with for now.

\-------

Shotaro felt his legs shake as he walked to the nearest bus stop, making it hard for him to move at the pace he wanted. His bus was scheduled to arrive in the next five minutes and he wanted to get to the stop so it left him enough time if the bus arrived minutes earlier than it was supposed to. He'd left his apartment at a good time but the anxiety coursing through his body prevented him from reaching his destination as soon as he wanted to. He arrived before the bus did in the end and Shotaro sighed in relief, taking a seat on the opposite side of the stone bench, away from someone else waiting for their bus. Shotaro was immensely relieved to have made it on time and could feel so in his chest, but he was also having an internal war with himself. 

There was the relief of not missing his bus, but there was a part of him that wished he _had_ missed the bus. Missing the bus now meant the next one wouldn't arrive in time for him to get to his appointment, and he would prolong the inevitable and miss his time. It sounded like a good idea, but he knew it wasn't. Shotaro did not want to go for fear of what he knew to be true already. It was already established that he was pregnant, he'd taken that test and he'd felt the symptoms, but going to a doctor meant it was real. He was going to have a file for him and the baby that would follow him for the rest of his life. He was going to be a mother, and he just couldn't be. 

And that brought him to thinking about all the money he'd have to pay for all the appointments he'd have to go to. Insurance was still a little shaky and was a constant worry. He was still working on his healthcare plan and as an immigrant, it was all too new and different, and sometimes wasn't the most stable. Yuta helped a lot with his plan since he registered him properly for insurance after hiring him. It wasn't necessary for him to do so as an employer but he went through the same thing, and so did Sicheng, so they both knew how hard it was to go through that process on their own. With their aid, Shotaro was able to go with the best because they knew the best options to go with. But even if that was covered and wasn't an issue this time around, Shotaro was still terrified of communication errors and not being able to express himself. It was kind of embarrassing not being able to do something so simple, despite his small grasp of the language. There were services in health centers that could help but in the grand scheme of things, those were the least of his issues. 

There was the fact that he was having a baby. He'd had that thought enough that it should be fact but it wasn't easy for him to accept. He wasn't ready to have a baby, yet here he was having one. Someone who would completely depend on him, someone he was completely responsible for, someone he wasn't ready to meet. This wasn't supposed to happen and how he wished it wasn't. It had his teeth set on edge and the hair on the back of his neck standing up. His whole body had nervous chills running up and down his spine, trying to shake off the anxiety. 

Shotaro's palms were starting to sweat and his knee was bouncing furiously, shaking his whole body out of its dreadful trance. Shotaro was then suddenly aware of the panic that was steadily taking control of his body, lighting every nerve up with doubt and fear. Shotaro felt his throat start to close, dry out as he momentarily forgot how to breathe. He could feel the anxiety behind his eyes and he was beginning to feel his eardrums burst. He was in a fully absorbed panic attack, and he was having one at the bus stop just before his OB/GYN appointment. 

Speaking of which, Shotaro could see his bus pulling up to the stop, and the other citizens standing close by were standing and readying whatever they needed to get onto the public transport. It was almost his time to go and he wasn't ready in the slightest, pass clutched tight in his palm. He would need to get on soon and head on his way to the clinic. 

Once the bus was mere feet away, Shotaro stood up and got to his feet a little too fast. He felt his knees nearly buckle underneath his weight, tossing his center of gravity to the wind. He needed to stick an arm out and balance himself against the stone bench rest so he wouldn't fall on his face, elbow scraping the rough surface and leaving a small scrape on the soft skin there. Shotaro grimaced and hissed in short pain, knocking some sense into himself so he could focus. He watched as the other standbys started to load onto the bus and he told himself to follow, get in line, ready his bus pass so he didn't take up anyone's time. He told his feet to move forward, saunter over and find a good spot so he could spend the long drive in comfort, but he found he couldn't. Shotaro stood in place, rooted in his spot on the concrete walk, watching as the last two people jumped onto the bus. He tried to will himself forward and get a move on but it wasn't working. Nothing was cooperating. 

"Are you hopping on?" a voice inquired loud and clear. Shotaro focused away from his mental anguish and instead on what was in front of him, honing in on the bus driver as they stared inquisitively back at him. They nodded their head once, short and pointed, addressing Shotaro and urging a swift answer from him. They would need an answer soon, there was a strict schedule to uphold when they were in the busy city. They had to keep the flow. 

But Shotaro couldn't understand them. He could see them speaking, their mouth moving, and he could hear the words spoken, but the words coming out weren't making sense nor were they translating. It was Korean obviously but it didn't sound like Korean. It sounded like gibberish, a nagging sound in the back of his head, a ringing in his ears, and he couldn't find the words to respond. In an effort to collect himself, Shotaro shook his head and stepped away from the bench and away from the bus with his head down, locked on the toes of his sneakers. His fingers clawed at his palms, scratching away to ground himself. Shotaro needed to breathe and be on his own for a second, and he wouldn't be able to do that on the bus. He couldn't get on the bus, not now. He barely registered as the bus drove off, leaving him behind with the rest of the city with no looking back. They had to continue with or without Shotaro. 

When he finally collected himself, it was too late. His ride had gone and he was stuck where he was. He clearly couldn't go to his appointment anymore because catching a later bus wasn't an option for him. By the time the next scheduled one arrived, it would be too late and his appointment time would have passed and moved onto the next person. He had fumbled with his window of time, and he wasn't going to get any answers today. Yuta was going to be so disappointed in him. He went through all that effort with no payback, and he would have things to say the next day at work. 

Shotaro felt tears start to collect along his waterline, wetting his lashes as the tears threatened to start falling onto his cheeks. He tried his best not to cry out in public, holding in as much as he could while he was still out with other people, but a few frustrated tears still fell and wet his cheeks. Shotaro would rather he cry his eyes out in the privacy of his apartment, and turned on his heel to turn back home, using one hand to wipe furiously at his eye. Everything about this, including him missing the bus, was both embarrassing and humiliating even if no one else saw what had just transpired. It was hard when things don't work out the way you want them to, and it's even worse when it's due to your own actions. Shotaro would kill for a hug and a pat on the back telling him he'll be alright. Things were just muddled at the moment, but he would be fine eventually. 

Time seemed to slow down and it felt like hours before Shotaro's apartment complex was in his line of sight. He felt he couldn't wait another few minutes for that cry that was building up behind his eyelids. It was really starting to sting and he needed to get it out before his contacts fell out. Shotaro wanted to be tucked away in his flat, alone and able to express himself without judgment from others around him. The frustration was making a few stray tears fall, but there was nothing major to see. He was sure his eyes were glossy as well, and if anyone looked they could tell he was in the process of crying. It was a good thing no one was making eye contact, instead too occupied with their own well-being than his. 

Shotaro was a few yards away from the entrance to his building and he was almost home free, relief filling his lungs. He kept his eyes on the two doors and hoped for the best, hoping to not meet anyone on the way, but he watched as two figures exited through the same doors and Shotaro felt his chest tighten in reflex after studying their features. Sungchan was exiting the building with his roommate, Jungwoo, in tow. They were heading Shotaro's way, lost in conversation and unaware he was close. That was the father of Shotaro's baby and he felt his body shrink in on itself in defense. He didn't particularly want to speak to him right now. 

Wanting to avoid being recognized, Shotaro acted fast and grabbed the mask he had tucked in his jean pocket, putting it on in record time to hopefully conceal his features. There were still his eyes but you could tell less when less of his face was shown. There was a lot more guessing to do, and Shotaro wanted to keep it that way. He brushed his bangs in the way to hopefully help, tossing them and making them messy. It wasn't a look he often did but it would have to do for now. 

Sungchan and Jungwoo were closing the distance and Shotaro kept his head down, still keeping a careful watch on the two men in case they noticed he was there. So far they hadn't noticed who he was, speaking to and facing each other instead. Maybe he was able to slink past and go unseen entirely, maybe he could get through this. Shotaro did not want to speak to Sungchan, not after what he knew and not after how distraught he felt. He didn't want the younger to see the state he was in. He hadn't seen anything like it before from him. 

They were feet away and Shotaro sped up, hoping he could pass by but when he was seconds from passing them, Sungchan turned his head and made eye contact with Shotaro. Shotaro held it, knowing he had been caught and that there was nothing to avoid now. His stomach turned, not with butterflies, but with guilt at his secret. His disguise had not worked; he was caught. 

"Taro hyung!" Sungchan smiled excitedly, stopping in place so he could talk to his friend, "I haven't seen you for a hot minute," it had been a few days since Shotaro turned Sungchan's date down for the second time after claiming he was ill. Sungchan had given him some time, no texts or visits to give him his space so he could get over whatever was up with his body. He would be lying if he said he hadn't been worried the whole duration of his absence, "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Shotaro answered a little too quickly, hoping his eyes weren't telling of his internal dilemma, "I just came back from the doctors and they said it was a stomach flu that's been sticking around. It should be completely gone within the next few days," it was a quick and believable lie, but it was still a lie and one of the many Shotaro would have to tell to keep himself hidden from Sungchan. Telling him he was pregnant didn't feel right. It was too nerve wracking and not on his list of things to do today. He wanted to change the subject, "How are you? Where are you two going?" 

"We're going out for lunch with some friends," Jungwoo piped up. Shotaro had had one conversation with Jungwoo before and the two still weren't all that familiar with each other, "Would you like to join?" he hadn't had many chances to make a connection with Shotaro, and now seemed like the perfect time. Shotaro appeared fine, and maybe some good food would help his healing senses. 

Shotaro shook his head. He couldn't be with Sungchan right now, not when he was carrying a huge secret under his belt. Literally, "No thank you, I'm going to spend the day home and try to sleep as much as I can," Shotaro's voice didn't crack once, but two times in the same sentence. He also fumbled with his Korean, mind losing functionality. He felt guilty and he felt ridiculous. He shouldn't be this emotional over this but he was and he couldn't help it. He was under a lot of stress right now, mentally and physically. 

Sungchan was starting to notice how Shotaro was very clearly upset. Looking deeply into his eyes he could see the distress hidden there and it was unsettling in his stomach. Sungchan could read Shotaro so easily and what he was finding was that Shotaro really needed someone to talk to. His eyes were teary and it was easy to catch even when he was wearing a mask pulled close to his eyes and his hair in the way. It made his heart hurt because it was unlikely to see someone as smiley and happy as Shotaro was so troubled, "Are you okay?" Sungchan asked then, taking a step closer to Shotaro to hopefully get something out of him. He was worried now, wanting to get to the bottom of things so he didn't have to see him so distraught. 

Again, Shotaro responded too quickly with a vigorous nod of his head, "I'm fine. My eyes are just really itchy," he lied, voice too shaky to consider convincing. It was obvious he had been crying, even slightly, and Sungchan wanted to know why. Shotaro rubbed at his eyes again, trying to get the tears out so he didn't have to let them fall. 

"Maybe I could help with whatever is happening," Sungchan offered sweetly. He swallowed thickly, watching as Shotaro teared up further, and then watched in horror as a large tear finally fell, soaking into the material of his mask, "What is it?" he asked, reaching out as though he was offering a hug or a hand to hold, whatever Shotaro was most comfortable with at the moment. 

But instead of leaning into the gesture, Shotaro shook his head and took a step back. He didn't want to be touched, and being pregnant, he was hyperaware of his body. Shotaro felt like he needed to protect himself from others, even if he did trust Sungchan and knew he wouldn't hurt him. It was bizarre, but he also didn't want Sungchan to touch him because the younger didn't know he was pregnant and that made him feel immensely guilty. Sungchan should know what was going on, it was his baby after all, but Shotaro didn't know how he would react. He didn't want to deal with it now, on the sidewalk of a busy street outside their apartment complex, and in front of Jungwoo. He was already overwhelmed and speaking to Sungchan now when he wasn't ready wasn't making it any better. He needed to come back to this when he had a clear head and when his heart wasn't threatening to burst from his chest. His thoughts were refusing to cooperate and now he was close to sobbing in front of Sungchan and his roommate, and he was absolutely mortified. Tears were streaming and his breathing was shaking. Shotaro was starting to lose it. 

"I have to go, Sungchan," Shotaro choked out, ready to physically escape the uncomfortable situation but Sungchan had more to say, taking a step in front of him and sticking his arm out in a nonthreatening way. Shotaro nearly flinched, mind not in the right space to consider who he was with. Sungchan didn't fail to notice and it made him frown. 

"Do you want me to go with you? I can stay and we can talk it out," seeing his friend so upset was unsettling and even if he was supposed to meet his other friends, he couldn't go on knowing Shotaro was upset enough to start crying. 

"No," Shotaro spit defensively. If they ended up talking about what was going on then he'll know he's pregnant and Shotaro didn't want to upset him when he had a life to live. He couldn't handle the rejection that was sure to follow, cursing his name and making things infinitely harder for himself, "No thank you. I'm fine," he repaired, pressing forward past Sungchan before even more tears fell, "Have a good lunch," he amended as he moved as fast as he could, trying his hardest to get away from Sungchan and avoid further confrontation. He could feel his chest ache in frustration. He was absolutely humiliated. 

Sungchan was making the move to follow Shotaro on his way to the apartment, needing to understand why this was happening, but Jungwoo was wrapping a hand around his bicep and rooting him in place. Sungchan looked back at Jungwoo, frowning in disapproval, "Leave it," he warned, his own frown on his features asserting dominance. Jungwoo was obviously better at reading the situation. Sungchan was stressing Shotaro out and he needed to give him his space, "You have to let Shotaro be alone. He _wants_ to be alone," that had been evident by his attempts at keeping a low profile when he spotted them. Jungwoo had noticed before Sungchan had and he could read his emotions right off the bat, "You can try again later when he isn't so upset. For right now you can give him time to deal with whatever was stressing him out. Respect that."

Jungwoo had a point and Sungchan hated that he was right. He wanted to talk it out and maybe come up with a solution, but he knew he couldn't fix every situation. Jungwoo was right. He would check up on him later, at a better time. He slumped, nodding as he understood, "I just wish I could help." 

"I know you want to help but you'll have to give him time for now," Jungwoo reiterated, patting him on the shoulder, grabbing it so he could guide his friend away, "And we need to start walking or we'll be really late," they were going somewhere within walking distance of their apartment and their meeting time was arriving fast. They needed to go if they wanted to be on time. 

Sungchan nodded wordlessly, turning to join Jungwoo on the journey again. He would check on Shotaro tomorrow afternoon, giving him plenty of time to deal with what he needed to. He so badly wanted to do it now, but Jungwoo would prevent him if he tried to pull a fast one. 

\-------

Shotaro had been fully crying by the time he had entered the lobby, tears falling rapidly as he climbed the stairs, making it difficult to see. It wasn't until he was in his apartment that he finally let his agony entirely win over his emotions. Once the door was closed he pressed his back to it, hitting the metal a little too hard. The pain wasn't as intense as his panicking and was easy to ignore as he slid down to the floor, burying his face in his knees. This shouldn't have been as big a deal as he was making it but anxiety did some pretty ridiculous things to people. 

Shotaro tore his shoes off his feet and flung them against the wall. It was childish and the neighbors probably heard his ruckus but he didn't care. He was frustrated, almost angry at himself and he needed to get the anger out somehow, even if it meant scuffing up the paint on the wall. He couldn't get onto a bus on his own and he couldn't communicate like a normal person, and he felt like an idiot for the way he was acting. It was all such a mess, and he was feeling pretty sorry for himself.

He felt incredibly apologetic to the baby too. He was supposed to get to that appointment so he could make sure they were okay. He was obviously a bad mother already and the thought that he was failing at a task that was supposed to be natural to him had more tears streaming down his cheeks. A hand pressed itself to the lower half of his abdomen, something he had not done before. There was no difference yet, no change he could outwardly detect, but he knew there was a little person under his palm that was growing bigger by the day. It was bizarre, amazing, and terrifying. 

"I'm sorry I'm not good at this whole parenting thing," Shotaro spoke as he addressed the baby. It felt strange to do it, the baby couldn't hear him yet, but it felt right and respectful to do so, "I'll try to get better. I just don't know what to do." 

Health care prices still scared him. He supposed it wasn't a lot comparatively but it was money he needed for other things. He now had a baby to save for. Shotaro didn't know much about babies but he knew they needed a lot of things. He would need to start seriously budgeting and crunching some numbers if he wanted to make this work. He was already planning what he could cut out to save himself a few bucks and collectively it would most likely help. He huffed to himself, head landing in his hands with a thud. He would probably get a headache soon from the impact. He would need to find another job, part-time most likely, but the money would help him so much. He could most likely juggle two jobs if it meant he could afford life. 

This was not what Shotaro had been expecting when he left Japan. He had just wanted a new life outside of Japan, and now he was _growing_ a new life outside of Japan. 

\-------

Shotaro walked into work worriedly with shaking and tired steps the next morning. He had to face Yuta and he wasn't sure what he was going to say. He would be disappointed, possibly angry, definitely upset. Angry enough to fire him? It was a ridiculous thought but it was one that made sense in Shotaro's anxiety-blinded mind. He could see Yuta from outside the academy and it had his throat drying up. He wasn't ready but this was not something he could avoid. He heavily exhaled all of the air out of his body and made his way inside, a convincing and fake smile lighting his face as Yuta met his eyes. 

"Shotaro!" Yuta greeted excitedly, "How did your appointment go?" he was asking right off the bat and Shotaro hadn't even been in the building for a minute. It was something Yuta hadn't been able to take his mind off. His friend had seen his baby for the first time yesterday and Yuta could remember the first time he saw Renjun. It had been magical. The pride he felt in his chest for that little person no bigger than a pinto bean was all-encompassing and honestly overwhelming. He felt so much love, and he could only hope Shotaro had felt the same. Yuta waved him into an empty room close by that was reserved for instructors when they had time in between classes. Yuta assumed Shotaro wouldn't want everyone hearing about the details of his pregnancy, especially since he wasn't going to be telling people any time soon. 

Shotaro followed into the room and pondered if he should tell him the truth and tell him how he'll reschedule for next week, and that he missed his bus because he mentally wasn't in a good place at the time. But there was a small issue; Shotaro didn't want to go at all. He didn't want to reschedule, he didn't want to take another day off work when he needed the money. Shotaro felt a war within himself and in his befuddled mind, he decided to lie as best he could to avoid the confrontation, "The appointment went well. I'm definitely pregnant," he nodded, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He felt guilty for lying. 

Yuta nodded in satisfaction. He was glad everything was going so well because that was all you could hope for in a pregnancy, "Did you get a printout?" he asked next, giddy and excited. He and Sicheng still had Renjun's first printout framed in their living room. He had been so tiny then, "Surely you had one if you're as far along as I think you are."

Shotaro felt his chest tighten with a sharp intake of breath. He didn't have anything to show Yuta because he hadn't gone; there had been no printout to hand over. It was embarrassment that drove the next lie because he couldn't admit he had done something stupid and that he had been lying before, "Oh um, I left it at my apartment... by mistake. I realized when it was too late that I didn't have it on me. I was already on the bus and headed here," it was a good cover-up and made sense, but was it good enough to convince Yuta? 

Yuta frowned in disappointment, but then shrugged, his soft smile slowly returning in hope, "You'll have to bring it in tomorrow. I can wait until then," he wanted so badly to see it and felt he couldn't be patient enough, but he would try his hardest. If he got too impatient he could always text Shotaro and get a picture sent to him of the scan. He was sure his friend would oblige without question. If he was anything like Yuta, he would want to hand it out to everyone he knew so he could show off his baby, "I want to see who I'm going to be an uncle to." 

Shotaro was panicking inside because he didn't have a scan to show Yuta. His fingertips were scratching at his palms, hard enough to leave marks. He would need to lie more to cover his trace and to buy him time before his next appointment that he was going to schedule later that night when he got home. Shotaro couldn't be getting into this kind of drama now when he was in his place of work, "What I meant to say was... it must have dropped out of my pocket... on the bus home. All I know is that when I got home and tried looking for it... it was just gone," he swallowed, watching as Yuta frowned again in confusion, "I didn't want to say I lost it because that sounds bad but yeah... that's what happened," Shotaro kicked his foot out in front of him, distracting himself with the movement as he locked eyes with the toe of his sneaker. He felt like an idiot and told himself he should tell the truth, even if it was humiliating. 

There was a second of pained silence before Yuta was speaking again, "How did you let that happen?" he asked, bewildered with a judgemental look. Scans were phenomenal and something to remember and he just happened to drop his on the public bus? Yuta would never. He had made sure Renjun's scan had been in his hand or on his person at all times when he ventured out of the house with it. And Shotaro just dropped his? 

Shotaro stiffened, foot stilling. It did sound like such a horrible thing and had he actually gotten a scan and lost it on the bus he would have been truly devastated. The way Yuta was looking at him now was understandable and Shotaro felt the guilt. Creating lies on the spot honestly wasn't his strong suit, but luckily, Yuta interpreted Shotaro's panic and quiet as embarrassment. He hadn't meant to make his friend feel like that and he needed to backtrack for a second before things escalated. 

"You know what? It doesn't matter. There's not a lot to see right now anyway," Yuta waved, thankfully brushing the incident off, "Baby is still pretty small. The next ultrasound you get will have so much more to look at and then you'll really have to show me, promise?" Yuta asked, his ridiculous smile returning in full. It would be comforting had Shotaro not lied to his face and actually had an ultrasound performed. He felt like a bad friend for being so deceitful. 

"Promise," Shotaro would surely make a next appointment in a month to make it official, and then he could have an actual ultrasound to show his friend. He wouldn't have to lie anymore then. He was immensely relieved at his mental plan, but then Yuta asked yet another question Shotaro did not have an answer to and he had to keep the charade up longer, "What about the due date? You should be able to tell around this time. Did you happen to figure out when that is?" within the first few weeks was the best time to establish a due date, that's mostly what the scan was for. Yuta already knew there was a date and he wanted to hear it. It had him excited. 

Panic was returning because a due date was not something he could easily make up. He didn't have time to do even quick math and gave a vague and quite honestly, unsure answer, "The end of January," he interjected without much thought and he knew it was the wrong answer. That wasn't a due date, it was an estimate. Due dates were mostly estimates and educated guesses but usually, they had an actual date on record, "January 20th I mean," he affirmed as quickly as he could before Yuta could look too into it. 

But it was too late. Yuta's eyes were squinted in skepticism and Shotaro thought the jig was up for a moment before Yuta was nodding, still looking a little unsure but looking more convinced, "A New Year's baby. That'll be a lot of fun," his smile was returning, "And Renjun will be so happy to have a new pal to play with," his son was very sociable while also being very laidback and quiet. Just thinking about his son had his heart racing. It made Shotaro smile. 

"Both are exciting," Shotaro agreed with a smile. He did his best to make the smile reach his eyes so it seemed more believable. But he didn't feel like smiling, "Starting the year off with a baby will be different," he was terrified of the idea as it had yet to sink in fully. He would have a little person to care for and love. Bizarre. 

"It will be," things had been very different for him too, "And how are you?" Yuta asked next, changing tactics, "Is your blood pressure okay?" he was trying to see something after Shotaro's shaky answer of his due date. There was something wrong here, "That's such an important factor in early pregnancy. You'll be bothered about it even after you've given birth. You always want it at a good level, otherwise it'll send everyone into panic mode." 

"It's good," Shotaro started. He had no idea what a good blood pressure measured as and he was starting to spiral. Was he getting caught in his lies? "I can't remember the exact numbers but it was good. Dr. Ok told me so," hopefully it was believable enough. His answer was short and sweet. 

It was very vague but Yuta nodded, knowing the exact answer to his question. It wasn't a lot to memorize, yet Shotaro couldn't do it, "That's good. Did you get prescribed any specific prenatal vitamins?" he was asking a lot of good questions that he had to have an answer to when Sicheng was pregnant. They were great things to worry about and he genuinely wanted to know how Shotaro was going to answer. It would be great to hear if Shotaro was completely healthy if he actually knew, "Anything for your anemia?" that had only been an excuse for the ill feelings before but it was still plausible now that they knew he was pregnant. It didn't necessarily mean he had it, but for some mothers it was a symptom. 

"Apparently I'm doing very well, as healthy as can be. I can just grab prenatal vitamins at any store really, nothing specific," he didn't even know he had to take vitamins while pregnant. Did they sell those at stores? "Baby is doing well, too. Growing and doing their best," his most awkward answer yet. It had his gut twisting. He wasn't sure what to say anymore. 

Yuta nodded, looking as though he was thinking hard, "And did they test your ears?" he asked, and now Shotaro was thoroughly confused, but he hid it well, "Did they have enough time for that?" 

Shotaro had no clue what he was talking about. His ears? Why would they need to check his ears? "I don't remember much about testing my ears..." 

"Doctors usually test ears pretty early; the first trimester is the best time to do it," Yuta looked confident in his statement and Shotaro had to think maybe he was speaking some sense of fact, "Ears can be linked to dizziness and light headedness and looking through your ears and testing can determine whether or not you need some extra attention," Shotaro had been feeling a bit of that, "It better helps your doctor understand if there's extra treatment you need. Sicheng's doctor didn't think he needed it since he never got dizzy but they did anyway. They checked his eyes too in case he was showing the early signs of gestational blindness. That was a pretty scary thing, but luckily he didn't show any signs of it."

Gestational blindness sounded terrible, "Oh, I remember my doctor mentioning something about ears," Shotaro lied. He was believing every word Yuta was speaking without question. It made sense to him with how little he actually knew, "I didn't know that's what that was for," he chuckled, feigning embarrassment at his actions, "But my dizziness isn't too terrible and they didn't feel the need to do it. They told me that if it got any worse or became consistent then I would need to get proper testing."

"Interesting because they test everyone. Your doctor didn't test you?" Yuta asked, shock playing out in his features. Malpractice was no joke. 

Shotaro's eyes widened, crafting an answer quickly, "They told me they'd test me _later_. My first appointment wasn't the right time to do so, but definitely the next one," ears were linked to dizziness? Who knew?

But little did he know, it was all a lie and Yuta had caught Shotaro red handed. It had been a test of his honesty and Shotaro had failed. He hadn't gone to that appointment at all, but Yuta wasn't going to say anything about it. He was going to count on Shotaro to tell him the truth eventually even if it was embarrassing, "I hope the results are good then. If left untreated, the results aren't always the prettiest. Some people can go deaf in one ear." 

That was terrifying but he wasn't going to show Yuta how scared he was, "Hopefully I get the best care then so I don't have to deal with something like that."

Yuta nodded, continuing to smile, "We'll have to talk about maternity leave later, and whether or not you want to work up until you go into labor or if you want a bit of a break before the big day," which was hard to properly plan if they didn't have an accurate due date to work off of, "And we'll have to figure something out for you to do once you start getting really big," he would have a belly eventually and that was wild, "You can probably supervise lessons or work more in younger, kiddy classes that are less rigorous but we'll cross that bridge once we get there. But we have plenty of time to figure things out

"That sounds good," he would work until he was in labor so he would have enough money to survive until he was back at work. Pay would stay the same and that was what he was worried about the most. He would be okay until then. Hopefully. 

"I'm excited for you, Taro," Yuta smiled, even though he felt lied to. Shotaro was indeed having a baby and that was incredibly exciting, even if he hadn't made the steps to make sure his baby was okay. It was a little irresponsible if you asked Yuta. 

"Thank you," Shotaro bowed, ready to not be in this room where he felt stuffy and claustrophobic, "I think I'm going to go stretch some and dance. I need to clear my head a little," Shotaro claimed, already lifting himself from his chair. He didn't want to be in that room anymore and he especially didn't want to be so close to Yuta, even though they were sitting at the table across from each other, "There's so much to think about," he didn't have any early classes today and so he was in no rush to go anywhere. Still, he wanted to move faster. 

"There is. I'll see you later at lunch time," Yuta huffed as he sat back in his chair, watching as Shotaro left. He was a lot of work, that was for sure. 

Shotaro felt like crying in all honesty, but he wasn't going to do that here. Shotaro had a horribly guilty conscious but he wasn't going to release anything here. He would wait until he was behind the safety of his apartment walls. Shotaro hated lying so much but he had to so he could save his pride. He couldn't handle disappointment from Yuta. That was his worst nightmare. 

But this was only the beginning. He had such a long way to go.

**Author's Note:**

> I just realized this is the first SungTaro mpreg fic and that's pretty cool haha
> 
> Leave me comments! I love reading them and interacting with you guys and it encourages me a lot. Say hi or tell me how I'm doing <<<333


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